Saturday, September 29, 2012

Disconnected.....

Unplugged!
Total Panic!
What Now????
 The unthinkable happened yesterday. I had a substitute job (another post altogether) and since my phone was not charged the night before I took my charger cord to work with me.  Goodness only knows a day at work without being connected would be wrong.  Breaks without checking Facebook, lunch time without access to email and phone messages would surely leave me lost.  Ahhh...not to worry, I can stay plugged in for the workday and not miss a beat!
 But...I discovered when I arrived home that I was minus my lifeline.  I had left the charger cord on the teachers desk at work!  Holy cow.  Herein lies the problem.  I have a new iphone 5.  The phone cord is a new design and there are no others that will work with the phone.  Panic again...simply solved by calling AT&T to purchase another until the building is again opened on Tuesday. Well thank you Apple for being service friendly and not providing distributors with additional cords.  Ten phone calls and all bad news from everyone.  NO ONE including Apple has replacement charger cords. 
Do you have any idea the terror that sets in when you are faced with being disconnected for three days????  Are we so dependent on our phone that the thought of life without them can literally cause someone to hyperventilate?  I can give up my addiction to Bejeweled Blitz possibly, but just total disconnect otherwise is just not anything I can wrap my mind around.
What to do????  PRAY.  Seriously.  God is my go to man always.  Lost car keys, missing camera, AWOL Master Card, and locked up charger cord..."Can you please help me God because I am in a panic and do not know what to do!"  And you know what??.....the Robotics coach was at school this morning and he opened the door. I now have my lifeline to communication back.  It made me wonder what would happen if I ever lost God in my life.  I would be panicked. I would be lost.  I don't just need Him to find my car keys, but prayer is a regular part of everyday.  I am not going to become all preachy here because my faith is pretty personal, but again I realize how dependent I am and how lost I would be if I did not have that lifeline to God.
I also had a heart to heart with myself this morning on the way back from retrieving my phone cord. I think I am a bit too dependent on technology.  Maybe I need to spend a little more time connected to something a little healthier...like time with my family without the distraction of Words with Friends.  Maybe dinner time without a phone sitting on the table "just in case".  I am going to try!
Lesson Learned...thanks to a lost phone cord.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Sweet!.......

 SUITE!!!!
 I have been holding the golden ticket lately I think.  After residing in Dallas for 45 years and never attending a live Cowboy game, I have now been to the stadium twice in a month!  What in the world kept me from the experience for so long...maybe lack of the knowledge of what fun it is to be there in person...or maybe it was because any seat that would be fun to sit in cost about $400.  Either way I have always been an at home viewer and did not know what I was missing.
This past weekend thanks to some awesome friends we were invited guests to his company's SUITE!
 That is viewing at it's best.  I really though I was going to run into Robin Leach and his "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" camera crew on the escalator! It is plush leather seats, endless amounts of adult beverages, excellent food served all day long, free programs, and hand towels that were nicer that what I have at home (okay they were paper but they were a grade of paper that Bounty does not make...and yes, I took a souvenir). While I am making a list of all the perks of sitting in a suite, let me also add that there is absolutely no line for the bathroom.
 We were up close and personal with the huge video screen and had a great view of the field at the same time.  
It was an unforgettable afternoon.  Working for the Dallas Police Department does not necessarily come with a lot of perks but having a son with great company tickets and friends with connections has enabled this football fan to check....
Attend a live Cowboy Game
off the bucket list!!!
 Anytime you end a day in a suite with a Cowboy win and a hot brownie Sunday and ice cream you know life is good....and even better with special friends!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

I Am Okay......

I will start with my periodic disclaimer that this is not my typical post.  It is a random post.  I realized as this floated through my head that the reason I wrote my first post and continue to do so is because I wish I had known my grandparents and their parents and so on more closely.  I wish I had more knowledge of their lives and their personality and their everyday thoughts.  I wish I had a journal that they left so I would feel totally connected to who they were.  So, I write, and at the end of each year I publish.  For better or worse, someday those I leave behind will know me.  I put on paper what I think and feel, good or bad.
And thus, the reason for this. I know when I read a very long blog entry, I skip to the end and never bother with the middle.  So skip to the end if you wish because this is really for me.
I have been in the middle of self help book therapy.  I am not sure why.  Yes, I am actually sure why.  I am nearing the 10 year anniversary of Matt's accident.  I felt it necessary to embrace how others coped with tragedy.  Sometimes it is helpful to know that others know how you feel.  I really do not want or wish for anyone to deal with the death of a child but if you do and choose to write about it then maybe something you put on paper will be something I can relate to. I am finished.  I have read the entirety of three books.  Some were well written, another...I am not so sure, but I finished it anyway.  I am so grateful that I chose to read.  I learned a lot about myself.  I know that I am OKAY.  Not because other people are mournful too, but because I am in a very healthy place.  I was okay before I ever picked up any of these books.  I have been all along. I am sure that sounds strange.  I lost my first born son.  He was a good friend.  He was someone who should have been able to share the joy that lived within him with others, but he was taken anyway. The hurt that lived in my heart was almost insurmountable for a long time.  It was quite awhile before thoughts of Matt and the fact that he was gone did not fill every moment of every day.  It lessened.  The pain did not cease completely and I assure you there is never closure but there is acceptance.  Reality sets in.  It is not a bad dream and I will not wake up and find Matt coming in the back door.  God called my son home...for whatever reason, at that moment that Matt's plane took off God knew it was the end of his days on earth.  Someone said "who knew when they took off in a jet that morning that they would land in the arms of God", and so they did.  I have a very strong faith.  For whatever reason I never sought therapy.  I do not know if that was a good or bad decision but it is too late to reevaluate that choice.  As I look back I think that everything I was surrounded with was my therapy. What I did seek, and still do is God.  I know that if this is what God put in my path then He will give me the strength to deal with it.  I am blessed.  I say that often and I believe it.  I do not have to look for good continually.... it is there everyday.  I am a year and a half removed from a job that I loved.  Every workday was a pleasure.  My boss, coworkers, and students were a true gift.  My friends are a constant in my life.  They accept my boldness, my ability to make a short story go on forever, the lack of a filter on my mouth, and my total lack of social correctness in a lot of situations.  God knows I love them all for tolerating me.
My family is all here now.  I did not grow up so lucky.  We were 24 hours away from relatives and our once a year gatherings were just not enough. That I am in a five mile radius of my children is something I never imagined would be possible. I find reasons to smile everyday.  The outdoors and a breeze can turn any amount of sadness into a happy time.  Grandchildren...no need to expound on that.  It is instant joy.  I know now I am strong.  I have coped with loss and will continue to.  I am not singing my own praises.  I am just happy.  Yes, it is almost ten years and I know I am healthy.  I believe faith has so much to do with that.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there will be a reunion in heaven.  I wish I did not have to wait but I am not ready to leave where I am just yet either. I am not a bible carrying person and I cannot quote much scripture but I find all the peace I need inside a church with my rosary in my hand. I am so thankful to my parents for giving me that. I did not always love getting out of bed EVERY Sunday morning, pinning a doily to my head and sitting through church. Something must have soaked in while I was sitting in those pews even if I did not think I listened. I do not think they realized how much I would depend on the background of faith they left with me.  I know I am blessed and will continue to be, and I am okay.

Friday, September 21, 2012

JCP.........

The Shubzda Family is in celebration mode again.  Seems we have been able to find continual reasons to break open a bottle of wine! 2012 is turning out to be a very good year for everyone.  Tim has just made a major job change....unexpected and a big challenge for him.  After 14 years in a Navy uniform, and almost two years in the recruiting world, he has accepted a job as Director of Talent at J.C. Penney's.  He was not looking, nor was he even entertaining the idea of a career change but as we always know, sometimes God has a plan that we are not even aware of. He is exited and a bit nervous as he enters the world of retail and all of the new facets of a job that he begins in two weeks.  So, the family will be switching allegiances.  I pretty much have a reserved spot in the Kohl's parking lot due to the time and money I spend in their store.  Now, I will get out the Penney's card and rediscover all of the things that their new stores have to offer.  It will give me new impetus as my excuse for spending will have new meaning...just supporting Tim and his fam....that is what a mom does, right?

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Purging.....

 It is that time of year again.  It is time to make the seasonal closet switch.  It is a right of passage that only a woman would understand.  I am sure when a mother gives birth to a daughter she provides wordly advice to guide her path as she matures:
*Look both ways before crossing the street
*Be true to yourself.
*Act like a lady.
*Chew with your mouth closed.
*Sit up straight.
*Always go out with your makeup on. You might run into your future husband.
*Don't jump off the bridge just because your friends do.
AND
*Rotate the clothes in your closet each fall and spring!
Now, it is really not the correct weather for sweatshirts and sweaters just yet but it is time to weed out...or purge as I have always said.  As I brought home a few new shirts for the upcoming season I remembered the old adage...each time you buy something new get rid of something old.  It is not something I do often because if I did my closet would not still contain a white "prairie skirt".  I would not still have 20 pairs of black teacher pants, and I would no longer have culottes on hangers.  Today was the day.  I have a three foot pile of old, outdated clothing.  That is only one side of my closet and I have not hit the shoes either. My husband does not understand the need for such activity.  He wears the same thing 12 months a year.  Actually he would have worn the same thing for the last 42 years if I did not sneak in on occasion and purge his closet too. 
So I am half way there.  Tomorrow I just may wear something new....and someone somewhere may find my white prairie skirt in a second hand store and think it is a treasure!

Monday, September 17, 2012

I Know This For Sure......

Even though you were only here 27 years, you managed to fit more life into that period of time than most of us do in twice that time.  The memory of your laughter makes me smile today.  I miss you terribly but remembering the joy you found in everything you did carries me through the longest of days.  Thank you for blessing me with so much pride and happiness.  It is a joy to say I was your mom.
Happy 37th Mattio.
HUGS,
MOM

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Jump For Joy!!.....

Sometimes the cooler weather just brings out the silly in a girl!  

Maybe it just makes Brooklynn and Aunt Sara want to jump for joy!  Lately it seems that Brooklynn has been bitten by the crazy bug....and the funnier the pose she can strike for a picture, the happier she seems to be.  I am not sure why she has suddenly become a camera clown but today seemed like the perfect day for silliness.

 And there were just too many things to have fun with. It was just a day that called for no holes barred laughter.

And so we were!
Finley was busy making sure she had the ample amount of beauty sleep and missed out and the afternoon antics but soon she will be running around the yard learning all about funny from her big sis....it is a long lesson!

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Another Anniversary.....

Eleven years have passed since the attack on our country on Sept. 11th.  This year arrived with less fanfare than the tenth anniversary last year.  There was not a prayer, or a hymn, or a mention of 9-11 in church on Sunday.   I was surprised. 
I had an appointment today so the date was clearly marked on my calendar.  When you are not working sometimes days and dates run together because there is no schedule to keep you on track.
For most of us the day is forever ingrained in our memory...like the assassination of President Kennedy.  We know where we were and how we got the news.  It is a reality that will remain with us forever...not a pretty one, but a very clear reality.  Those that are younger will only know about it from our perspective.  How we share our thoughts and what is written in history books will determine how they relate to that awful morning.  No matter what they are told, they will not know how it felt nor will they understand the feelings of patriotism that brought us all together as one nation. Being attacked on our own soil in such a planned terrorist plot was something we never anticipated...BUT it was the most uniting thing I have ever witnessed.  
  Skin color, religious background, and political preferences had no meaning.  We were Americans with one purpose.  If only we still had that feeling today as we watch politics polarize our nation.  I hate to read Facebook. It is hard to seperate my friends from the political views that appear on their posts.  We have such strong feelings about  either Republican or Democratic platforms as we approach this November election.  I find myself scrolling quickly past posts in order withhold opinons about those who are near and dear to me so I do not respond with   "are you crazy, how do you think that is a good long range plan?"  If only that unifying feeling could take hold once again to get past the next two months.  All we really want is a strong and independent nation that can stand against those that are so bent on making us fail.  My prayer today is for God to lead us to peaceful place where the American flag is one that we look at and know it means "one nation, UNDER GOD".

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Big One......

 Sara turned the big 30 this weekend!  How can that be?  We celebrated Friday through Sunday...it was deserved!  I am all for enjoying your birthday for days.  You wait a long time for the day to roll around.  You might as well savour the fun!

 Friday was for friends....
 Sunday was for family. 

 And a little food!
And a child who might be becoming a HAM! 
Happy 30 Sara...you are a gift!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Sept. 7, 10:49 PM.......

It arrived last night and I was on the front porch to welcome our guest....the cool front! OK, I know the above weather forecast does not look so cool, but trust me when I say (please envision Chris Harrison of Bachelor fame making the following statement) "It is the moment we have all been waiting for".
Something to blast the last two days of record setting heat out of here.
So, I stayed up and sat outside (sweating) until it literally rolled through at 10:49 pm.
Facebook was ablaze with others like me who noted it's arrival.  RELIEF in a north wind! 
Summer is always a welcome friend...until 100 days later you are still sweltering with no relief in sight.  I will be perfectly honest, driving around when your cars temperature gauge reads 107 degrees and the pavement is melting under your tires makes you downright cranky on the best of days.
So, today I opened the windows..may be short lived but for a moment I felt free to breathe in fresh air.  I grabbed my Kindle and coffee and headed to the patio!  I have been waiting a long time for this.  Thank you Mother Nature for knowing we were all stretched thin being held hostage by heat and mosquitoes.  A good breeze (that hopefully sent some of the West Nile mosquitoes that found me a good target for their venom "packing") makes me want to run out and yell "hello beautiful day".  Actually, that is exactly what I did and I intend to stay outside for the duration.  There is nothing on my agenda that will keep me from enjoying "the moment we have all been waiting for!"

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

She Is Off......

Today was the day.  Brooklynn hopped out of bed and got ready for her first day of pre-school.  She was excited, I was sad :(
I was NOT sad when my kids packed their back packs and took off for pre-school.  All I could see was five hours of freedom!  I could vacuum without someone hanging on to the vacuum bag.  I could go to the bathroom without company, shop without someone filling my cart with every box of cereal that had seen advertised on TV.  I could not sit down and read Facebook postings in peace because....there was no Facebook...imagine that!  I actually spent my time constructively.  I could fit more things into 5 child free hours than superman.  Oh, and I loved what was accomplished, even if it was quickly undone when we all arrived back home!
This is different, because I know.  I know that shortly she will be walking out the door to kindergarten not pre-school.  The days of wanting to come have a sleepover at my house will be traded for a sleepover at her friend's house. 
She is such a treasure.  I pray she remains innocent, curious, full of wonder, humorous, and as loving as she is today.  It is a journey and she has stepped out the door toward independence. You go little girl.  I will be watching from behind.

Monday, September 3, 2012

Ahhh...Another End!!!....

 Labor Day 2012 is in the books.  It is over, and as all Labor Day's tend to do it signals the end of summer just as Memorial Day signals the beginning.  We spent the weekend at the lake.  That always seems like the appropriate thing to do. It is peaceful and relaxing, and DRY, once again.  Blame it on lack of rain, another string of water evaporating 100 degree days, or whatever.  We can no longer put our jet ski in the cradle, we park it on the "beach". 
 The heat and shortage of water did not deter our sunshine loving neighborhood, however.  The kids were all out splashing in the one foot of water we have and thinking life was grand!
 Labor Day almost always includes a birthday celebration with all of our "lake friends"!  We may not get together often but when we do it is food and laughter.  One of the best things about holidays!  We tossed together our one pot wonder and sat back and enjoyed the evening. 
 Brooklynn had a special birthday greeting for the birthday boy....the best part of his day!
We are headed toward fall.  The thermometer does not indicate that right now, but soon we will wake up to lower temperatures and north winds.  Football season is upon us and that always reinvigorates everyone after a brutally hot August. Good things are around the corner and I love everything that comes with the next season.  I just hate that my calendar keeps turning the pages so quickly.  I am really not in a hurry to get anywhere!