Remember........

Memorial May...Memorial Day

This year was different.

We are still struggling with the pandemic that is plaguing our nation. Things are slowly reopening but a public gathering was just not going to happen this year.  

Carry The Load turned to a public drive.

We chose to celebrate the day at the lake.  Being out of town seemed like a good idea.

It was not a good idea at all.

 Drew, Heather, and Adeline did the drive.  I am proud of them.

I wish I had been here to go with them.  It was where my heart was.  

It is where I wanted to be.

Tim and family continued the tradition and walked 7 miles in the rain at the lake.

I am so proud of them.

My grandkids get Memorial Day.

They know what it means.

They were on the road two hours and 14 minutes.  That is huge.

What did I do? 

 I walked.  I walked on Sunday and it was hot.  I walked today and it rained.  I did not care.  This Memorial Day was harder than most.  My heart hurts.  I miss my son.  

We have been so blessed.  People have cared so much.  The community has always acknowledged my son.  Carry the Load has honored him in a way that is just unbelievable but no matter what has been done in his honor...I would rather he was here.  I miss the person he was and the joy and humor he always brought with him no matter where he went.  He truly believed the world was a beautiful place.  I want a few minutes with him again.  Just a few minutes to hug his neck and tell him what a great kid he was.  Just a few minutes to ask him what drove him to succeed like he did.  Just a few minutes to ask him what we did to deserve a kid like him.

I will be okay tomorrow because I always am but today I am crushed.  My heart is broken and I know it is okay.  It is alright to be sad for awhile.  It is fine to have moments of self pity and be a bit mad at God for not giving Matt more time.  Someday I will understand all of this and I will have all the time I need with my son once again.

Today I am sad and I am broken and that is fine.