Two Babies....

It has been three weeks since Finley arrived. I am saddened by the fact that even though I have been able to see her often, you would not know it by the shortage of photos I have. I can go back and find hundreds of photos of Brooklynn ( pictured above) from birth on. I have recorded every phase of her life...over and over and over again. She has been a victim of my ever present camera.

Finley has not been stalked in the same way. I had to run to the car today to grab a camera to make sure that I have something to look back on in a year. She is beautiful. She is different...from Brooklynn that is. She is totally her mom. She has gorgeous dark hair and a totally different mouth. Mandy will surely be able to claim her as her own.

It makes me wonder how there can be so many different combinations of genes. Two sisters, two totally different faces, and possibly two personalities. Who knows who Finley will become. I am convinced that her pension for being a rough and tumble little girl or a dainty princess type is probably determined somewhat at birth..like hair and eye color.

Genetics is amazing. If I was not so far past my educational years I would love to study it. I had four children who were all very different. We raised them the same but they became their own individual personalities.....each unique in their own way. I love the traits each of them possess and see part of Jimmy and I in all of them. That is what makes each of our children special.

I am anxious to see who Brooklynn and Finley become but not too soon...I want to enjoy each moment and I am so lucky that I can.

And The Rain's Came....

And they came, and they came, and they came some more. When I woke up this morning I expected to look out the window and see Noah lining up the animals in pairs in my backyard. It was a day the ark would have actually floated through the metroplex.
We have suffered through the worst draught in recent memory. Water is being rationed in areas and you have heard my sad stories of a summer with no lake water and absolutely no recreational watercraft used anywhere around. Our boats are landlocked and the marinas have shut down due to lack of business.

We have called upon every rain god known to man to send relief for this awful situation and in one fell swoop the prayers have been heard.

In a 24 hour period came more rain than has ever been recorded in the month of January. The day sent people scrambling for umbrellas and rain boots.

It left golf course personnel searching for a canoe instead of a golf cart to service the greens. Actually even a professional could not decipher the green from the fairway on this course. Yes, it is a golf course, not a lake and since I have not seen this much water where it is supposed to be let alone in the middle of what should be dry land I had to quickly access my always on hand camera. Sara was a bit skeptical as I rolled down the windows and stuck my camera outside to snap a shot...but it was something I could not pass up. Hopefully the run off is headed to Cedar Creek Lake. I would love to see this much water under my boat dock!

Nesting....

Nope, I am not pregnant and fixing to deliver but somehow the first of the year brings on the same maternal feelings that come with nesting. It is that need to root through everything, declutter, and reorganize. It is basically a big purge fest around here.
I am not a hoarder, though I can put my hand on my children's SAT scores from 1997 in a heartbeat, but I only weed out once a year. Maybe I do this in place of a normal New Year's resolution that is always a mega FAIL. No loosing weight for me. I can clean. It is something I can actually accomplish.
There are usually some great finds amid the clutter. Exploring boxes of old patterns and old pictures always extends my mission by hours but that is the beauty of the cleanse...unearthed treasure!
It is also a reminder that I have way more than I need and shopping should surely be curtailed IMMEDIATLY.
So I am off to Big Lots for bins...a plastic tub is the cure for piles of mess!!

New Nana...

My sister-in-law is a "Nana". Peyton came ten weeks ago but the adoption is now pretty much official and today we had a shower to honor our new niece and the family's newest grandmother. Pam, like all new grandparents is smitten. Aren't we all? It is life at it's finest.

So as I am going through shower pictures I am wondering...

How do we decide who we are? Are we Gramma, Nana, Dodo, Honey, Granny, Gran, Mamaw, or any of the other monikers tacked on to the parent of the parent? I really did not give it a whole lot of thought. I pretty much just wanted to be Grandma like all the grandmothers I had. My kids had a Grandma Shubzda so I wanted to be Grandma Shubzda too...but I thought Gramma sounded more like I wanted it to sound. Seriously not something I had given all that much thought to before the time arrived and I actually got to play that role. So now that I am no longer employed that might be material for some kind of research paper.

I also spent time pondering the "new mom" advice we were asked to give the new mother. Rest when you can, teach your husband to cook, make time for yourself....all worthy pieces of wisdom. But, I have a better idea....act like a grandmother!!!! Oh, how great that would be if moms could really do that. If you could ignore the laundry, not worry about meals, forget about the crushed Cheerios all over the floor, and just play with your kids. That after all is what Grammas get to do. All of the mundane tasks can be handled when those precious grandkids leave. That is what makes being a grandparent so wonderful. Sadly enough parents have to fulfill the role of disciplinarian, bread winner, chief cook and bottle washer, and on and on. Years from now they will be rewarded and they too will be Nana, Gramma, Gran????...they better start giving this some thought. It is a tough decision!

Returning to The Scene....

Yes, I do it occasionally.....go back to the classroom that is. Trust that I carefully calculate the need for accepting a substitute job before I push that magic button that says I am coming, or answer "yes" when I get a phone call from a friend. I ration those days of setting the alarm for 5 am. It all depends on NEED. Right now there is a NEED. I am determined to hang some pendant lights above my kitchen island. Sadly, retirement puts a halt on a lot of unnecessary purchases. But step in the ability to grab a day or two of work PRN (as needed) and dang...now I can call the electrician.

What a gift...in so many ways. I can go work if and when I want. I can walk in a classroom and the lesson plans are on the desk. Those stacks of papers you see piled everywhere....not my job anymore. Oh thank goodness!!!! Do you realize how hard teachers work? I do, I have been there!

It is nice to be able to walk in and see a friendly face. It is always interesting to interact with a classroom full of teenagers and catch up on the latest lingo.

"Hey, Miss, your name is really swag!" Is that a good thing or a bad thing? "Oh no miss, that is good. I mean like Shubzda is good." Well, thanks for that!

So, I am three more work days away from new lights. Then I will decide what I am wanting next and how many days I am willing to crawl out of bed before the sun comes up!

Getting To Be A Habit.....

This did not begin as a planned event...Sunday dinner that is. It has never been by invitation only. It just kind of evolved into a weekly day of food and relaxation. We all dine on Sunday, but I am content to call for tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. It has, however, become much more complicated than that. That "day of rest" meal has become an afternoon of elaborate preparation and experimentation. The afternoon would not be complete without an array of various wines for sampling. Though I do not really partake in the wine tasting (a sensory examination and evaluation of wines), I am always entertained by the choices of the day. I tend to choose wines by the label. Their choices are much more complicated than that! I do not understand the dry vs. woody conversations.
Then it is on to the steps in preparation. Today's entree...fried turkey without the oil. Anything the men will take over earns reward points with me!

Appetizers always!!!

Injected flavoring for the turkey...how is it we always managed with a little salt and pepper and oil before? How little we knew about refining the taste!Veggies, a salad, and a turkey fried just right...meal complete!

Nothing left but the bones.

Sunday dinner is a habit I am not trying to break!

Going Back....

Such a great Sunday and such a good visit with special friends from the past. It is amazing how easily you can pick up from where you left off many years ago. Janet and Anna Margaret are from the part of my life when we all bought our first 1500 square foot houses in the same neighborhood....the ones we thought were mansions. We were a group of about ten young couples trying to deal with jobs, new homes, and stretching a dollar. We all got pregnant and birthed our first babies at the same hospital about the same time. We sat in the front yard with infants and discussed formula and sleep patterns. We cooked out together on weekends...because we had no money to dine out.
The women played Keno, took ceramic classes, and ice skating lessons. We formed a group called "stitch and bitch" and it was our monthly outlet....new moms need that. Our kids played together, bathed together on occasion, and shared toys and slobber.
It was pre cellulite and male baldness. It was when we thought a used station wagon with wood paneled siding was the greatest. It was a time when we sold our possessions to build a fence. It was one of the best times of our lives. We have friends from that period of our lives that are forever friends.
Today we spent the day discussing grandbabies and retirement plans. Oh my, how did the time pass so quickly.
Anna Margaret is battling pancreatic cancer. She is a trooper. You would never know she had an illness.
It was a gift to be able to share time this morning. Sadly you never know if there will be another Sunday to do this. Janet and Bill are headed back to Arkansas...their new home. Hopefully we will be able to lunch again someday but their families have moved another direction and this was just a short visit to catch up. It was good to go back...the memories are priceless!!!

Irony.....

I have a book that I dearly love.."Simple Abundance"

It was given to me when Matt died. The posting on the day of his death was ironic.

I read it periodically and it always seems that the reading fits the day. I went back to read the entry of January 7th....Finley's birthday. The following is an excerpt.

How Happy Are you Right Now?

Perhaps if one really knew when one was happy, one would know the things that were necessary for one's life. (Joanna Field)

"How happy are you right now? Do you even know. Most women know what makes their parents, partners, or children happy. But when it comes to an awareness about the little, specific things in life that bring a smile to our faces and contentment to our own hearts, we often come up short.

What is missing from many of our days is a true sense that we are enjoying the lives we are living. It is difficult to experience a moment of happiness if we are not aware of what it is we genuinely love. We must learn to savor small, authentic moments that bring us contentment. Simple pleasures waiting to be enjoyed. Simple pleasures often overlooked. Let us consider our personal preferences and learn how to recognize, to embrace, moments of happiness that our uniquely our own."

Wow...how introspective and thoughtful. It is very easy to be on the top of the world when you have just witnessed the birth of a grandchild. That joy last for quite awhile. But, then we move on to the everyday lives we all lead and we have to find simple things for a life that is not always embracing a major event. So I thought, and made a list of the things I love that make me smile and my goal is to enjoy these simple things and realize that our whole lives cannot be a huge celebration.

What I Love

The color red.....ummm and pink

Anything Philosophy

Flip Flops

Sweat Pants

Kids of all ages

Flowers of any kind

Being outside

Open windows and 70 degree weather

A good laugh

Sunday dinner

Sports

My sewing machine

Cotton fabric

My camera

Captured moments in photos

Lunch with friends

Sunshine

Sleeping late and a electric blanket on high when it is cold

Tea on my front porch in the morning

My front porch anytime

A neighborhood full of children playing

My list could be so much longer. So, on an ordinary day there are so many things to enjoy. It is just important to recognize those things because life is not always a major event.

Now Arriving......

She is here!!!!

A few days ahead of schedule...and a wonderful surprise!

Finley James Shubzda came into the world Saturday morning at 4:20 am....healthy and beautiful and thrilling a whole entire family.

I was there, really there. I had very mixed emotions about the whole thing. I was not sure it was the right thing to do. I really thought it was a miraculous moment to be shared by only the parents. I was so wrong!

To have been allowed to be in the room to witness the moment Finley came into the world was a privilege that not everyone is allowed. It was amazing!

Every day I wonder how many more blessings God can bestow on me. I have so many wonderful gifts.

So on January 7, 2012 I became a grandmother again. A new year and a new baby. I don't know how you can improve on that!

Just Remembering...

Today has been an incredibly beautiful day here. It is in the high 70's and sunny. It is the kind of day when you just cannot seem to squeeze enough enjoyment out of the afternoon. Three years ago today was also a wonderful day, though I do not remember what the weather was like. A special young man was born to two wonderful friends. Matt's college roommate and his high school BFF had a baby boy, who was my son's namesake. From Greece came a phone call that he had arrived way ahead of schedule but was seemingly healthy, just small. I remember wishing Greece was not so far away. I wanted to go there, to celebrate his birth but it was not even feasible so we just celebrated here. A mere five days later he was gone...almost as quickly as he came. It was crushing news. I remember that phone call. It was equally as hard as the news I got about my Matt for some reason. A new life gone before it even started. Ken and Cortney were a world away left to deal with this by themselves...no family near. Today I am sad, because I know what their day must be like. When this happens to you you pray that no other parent will know what it is like to loose a child. Sadly, the Schwalbe's know. They have two beautiful girls now and some would think that fixes things but I know it does not. There will be a missing part of their lives forever. They are in my prayers today. Cortney is with her family and children in Arkansas while her husband is spending the next year in Afghanistan, a world away. Sometimes I wonder why God asks so much of such good people.

A New Beginning.....

It is here... we are officially well into the first day of a new year. I am not late with this because I celebrated too late last night, though I did actually see the first seconds of 2012 arrive. I am here late in the evening because I have spent the day doing nothing! What a great feeling!

The new year is always exciting. I do not know why we think we only start with a clean slate on January 1st. Why not August 1 or May 1? So, it is every year. We ponder how we can improve on the last year and make our lives better. A diet, more time with family, less stressing over little things, eat more salads....I have tried them all. By February 1 I am in FAIL mode. This year I am not going to get caught in that trap.

I am going to think in terms of better, but it is simple...I am going to talk less and listen more. OH GOODNESS, for me that is bigger than trying to loose 50 pounds! I am verbal by nature. The classroom was heaven for me....trapped students who were forced to listen to me for 90 minutes each day. I loved it but I have lost my audience. I have to remember that not everyone wants to listen to EVERYTHING that is on my mind all day long. I am going to try. I am focusing on a few other things too but this is at the top of my list....starting now!

Wish me luck!!!

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential

~Ellen Goodman