Dear Matt.....

Today I am smiling. Oh yes, I will not deny there have been tears. It has been nine years since that terrible accident and the dreadful hours and days that followed. Nine years ago today our house was full of people. Friends who did not know what to say. I was living a nightmare...every parents worst nightmare. I remember sitting in the closet calling your cell phone over and over hoping they were wrong and you would answer. Then I called it just to hear your voice...so maybe I would not forget how it sounded. I probably will never totally accept the fact that you are not here. I still dread each September when your birthday rolls around. I should be celebrating that wonderful day but I can't, it is hard and I am sure always will be. But, today I am remembering and I am blessed. My day has been full...full of wonderful friends that have sent endless messages reminding me what an important part you played in their lives. What more could a parent ask for?

I went through several albums and each page of pictures made me smile. It reminded me how much you enjoyed life. Each day was important to you. You filled them with friends, family and making sure that you accomplished everything you set your mind to. Yes, there were challenges for me as a parent. I was not happy with your orange hair or that lovely Texas tattoo that you tried so hard to hide from me. Now that makes me laugh...it did not then! What I do remember were all the days I was so proud. No parent could ask for more from a child. You set lofty goals and reached each and every one of them. I was always proud to say "yes, that is my son". You made being a parent easy...most of the time! Thank you for that.

Thank you to for making me feel good. I was not the perfect parent but when things were tense we talked..in fact we talked a lot and oh how I miss that now. So many times I want to run something by you for your perspective on a situation and you are not here. Sometimes I talk to you anyway...I just don't get an answer anymore.

I have so much else to say. Our family is growing. You would love your niece. And...she would love you. She is amazingly smart, just like you were. I show her your picture and she recognizes you. Someday I can tell her stories but right now she does not understand. I know you watch over her and all of us and that is a comfort.

I miss you son...but I am grateful. I am so proud that God choose me to be your mom and I would take 27 years with you all over again over never having had you in my life at all. I am proud that at least four of your very close friends have children that carry your name. What an honor. I know these families and I know that their children will understand the adventurous spirit of the fighter pilot who lost his life too soon. I am grateful to Paul and Tracy, the Poulters, The Schwalbes and the Meehans for wanting a little bit of you to live on and for honoring our family in this way. Each parent should be as lucky as I have been. Thank you for sharing your laughter, your joy, and your belief that the world is a beautiful place.

You are remembered each and every day.

Love, MOM

Proverbs 3:5

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."