Thoughtful.....

This is not my usual type of post. That may be why I have not had anything to say for awhile. I had an opportunity this weekend to go to Florida. It was Sara's birthday and all she wanted was to visit Tampa Bay. Cannot argue with that request so off we went. I think air time is a great time to process. Somehow being up over the clouds puts a new perspective on things...or maybe makes us be a little more thoughtful than we are down here on the ground in the middle of freeway traffic and stop lights. So I had several hours just to let my mind wander...and it did.

I had news last week that has been weighing on my mind. My cousin is ill...very ill. He is battling cancer and the treatment will be tough. Without going into a lot of detail just know that although we have not been in contact for awhile it was difficult news to hear. It seems like not too long ago we were all together as children at my Grandmothers enjoying Christmas and the snow. It was fun. It was family. I loved it.

My cousin is not much older than me. I cannot imagine what it must be like knowing the fight you have ahead of you. Should he have seen the doctor sooner, is this just God's plan, will the treatment be successful, how much do I really want to endure? How do you answer all of that?

What he has decided to do is take the time he is in treatment and write. He is telling a story of family, of his plans, of his life. These are words that will be permanent. His kids and grandkids can hang on to his thoughts forever. It is the world as he sees it.

My flight time lead me to think about my blog. I do not know why I started it. It is and was thoughts. It is not my life in detail. I am not telling a story of things past and family so much as what my days are about. Maybe someday my grandkids will come upon my journal and take time to read a few passages (or posts). They may laugh and ask their dad how random I really was! It is okay if he answers. My words are who I am...wierd or not!

With the loss of a son, I know more than most that you never know what each day will bring. What starts off as a beautiful morning can become a nightmare in an instant. A second in time can change your life forever. The picture is never the same. We all know that you are not promised tomorrow. Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Do not let things go unsaid that you might wish you had told someone right now....and so on. It is all the cliches. We hear them but do we really practice them? Today I am sad. I pray for my cousin but I also wonder. What is in store for me tomorrow? Or...do I really just want to enjoy today because that is what I have. That is just what is on my mind....and those are the thoughts I am leaving on paper this evening.